H U M O R A N D L A U G H T E R
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm half-way through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery
CLAYTON (age 5) "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
Maxine & Martha
*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
*Martha's Way*
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
*Maxine's Way *
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
*Martha's Way*
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
*Maxine's Way *
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
*Martha's Way*
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way *
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
*Martha's Way*
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way *
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
*Martha's Way*
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
*Maxine's Way *
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to Morris, the hot dog vendor, and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a loaded hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. Morris the vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. Morris responds, "Change must come from within."
Back to Top
